Pass the milk: Hello again, misfits and mini-smacks. Can’t fool Ricketts. I know that beneath your sugary frosting you’re filled with whole-wheat goodness. I know you’re a source of seven essential nutrients. And I’ll tell ya – if I could eat you for breakfast, I would.

G.I. Joe Canada: Is it any surprise that reports have Jeff Douglas, our intrepid Joe Canada, spending his winter in l.a. auditioning for the u.s. television pilot season? If you listen closely, you can hear what he really thinks of his homeland: ‘My country is not comfortable in winter! In Canada I can’t make enough money prancing around in commercials! I am a snowbird! I am Canadian!’

Tax yoga: As The Alliance of Canadian Advertising Tax Credits gears up for some more government lobbying, it’s clear one of its central arguments is a bit of a stretch. I nearly spilled my whisky when I read one of its releases. What do you think of this line? ‘Commercials are a powerful cultural medium, a means of transmitting the mores and norms of society to a future generation of citizens.’ That would be like awarding me the Pulitzer for my highly relevant journalism. Oh yeah, McDonald’s really deserves a tax break for defining our culture. Sometimes we can be so sad.

PA Awards: The sixth annual Production Assistant Awards were held late last month in Toronto. Just another opportunity for our award-happy industry to recognize the unsung spot-makers on the front lines. Think Partners’ holds this ceremony out of the goodness of its heart? Maybe. But I have my suspicions of an ulterior motive. Think of it this way: Who knows all the dirty, little on-set secrets? pas. Who knows who’s sleeping with whom? pas. Who knows who really screwed up that job? pas. Who deserves a party?!? pas! Hooray for pas.

Daredevil helmers: Seems the trend toward directors not afraid to drop from airplanes and helicopters has reached an all-time high. Vancouver rosters are filling up with directors willing to go one-on-one with a shark to get the shot they need. Clearly, the only reason they dangle by an ankle at 10,000 feet is for the betterment of Canadian culture.

Just wanted to let them know that Rick Ricketts is on their side. Before securing this half-baked Brunico gig, I had to prove my worthiness by getting dragged around the North Atlantic with a line of rope secured to a coast guard vessel. And you wonder why I drink’

Play the bowl game: Seems like Canadian ad budgets were spent flying the cheerleaders of defeated u.s. teams up north to get drunk in bars from Toronto to far-flung Winnipeg. Global’s Bud-heavy Superbowl parties were a scary way to bring the American bowl game to Canada. What exactly is Canada’s aversion to bowl games anyway? They’re clearly an advertiser’s dream (huge, drunk and mentally malleable audiences). The closest we come is our little cup game.

Here are some potential Canadian bowl games we can institute to make money and spur on Canuck ad production:

1. The Maple Sugar Bowl (top maple sugar producers play football with sickly-sticky snow).

2. The Back Bacon Bowl (Canadian pig farmers play with an edible football they fry and eat after the game).

3. The Beaver Bowl (tackles are made with buck teeth).

4. The Butter Bowl (winning team licks a buttered bowl).

5. Canadian Cheddar Bowl (the prize is a bowl made of sharp cheddar).

6. The Bread Bowl (pumpernickel football is later filled with spinach dip and torn to shreds by hungry players). •