Imagine if Humpty Dumpty, in advance of taking that fatal fall, were held in a perpetual state of vulnerability by a team of scrutineers (the king’s men), assessing his fragile shell and contemplating how impossible it would be to put him together again should he tumble. Part torture, part waste of time, no?

Now imagine in place of the poor egg a Canadian cultural agency (pick one, any one), and voila! you have the updated, Canadian version of the nursery rhyme.

Taking on the role of the king’s men are endless reams of government-commissioned committees, creating a state of ongoing upheaval and documents full of unheeded, generally drastic, recommendations. Perhaps it’s all for the best these reports historically are employed with nothing except the gathering of dust, but their boot marks are left on the psyches of scores of institutions constantly on the verge of being taken apart brick by brick and plagued with an unending sense of doom.

We are days within reach of the latest report – this one put together by a triumvirate headed by former cbc president Pierre Juneau – and while a variety of rumors have abounded over the last few months, the first word from the committee’s efforts came via a leak in Le Devoir Nov. 8.

According to the story, Telefilm Canada would be dismantled, with its tv and film monies distributed respectively to the cbc and the National Film Board, and the nfb would take over the Feature Film Fund.

Juneau was quick to issue a rebuttal, calling the leak irresponsible and untrue. Now, word is spreading the document – albeit an unofficial one – is no figure of Le Devoir writer Odile Tremblay’s imagination, but a veritable piece of paper written by one of Juneau’s consultants.

In general, the industry response ranged from bewilderment to astonishment. Where would the cost savings come in with this plan and why, of all three institutions in question, trim the one with the least bureaucratic fat? And, heavens, are such drastic measures truly looming?

Severe cuts are no joke in this time of fiscal restraint, all the more reason to eliminate these reports which are traditionally a waste of taxpayer’s money, a source of delay for much-needed strategies, an impediment to cultural agencies’ effectiveness and, finally, a means to undercut the film and tv industries in general.

As the impact filters down through the production companies and the broadcasters, the ability to draw foreign interest is weakened. Who wants to invest in a country that not only is stumped linguistically and culturally but can’t depend on the continuation of government incentives or support?

Sans doute, review is important (especially in government) and widespread tales of chronic solitaire-playing at the cbc, elaborate behavior of Telefilm officials at foreign festivals, and a cafeteria full of inactive producers at the nfb are proof enough to keep the scrutineers busy.

Yet sensible trimming is rarely the answer the committees come up with; it’s inevitably some extreme directive no government would seriously consider. Will it be different this time? Only Juneau and his committee know, but the evidence is out there: Humpty Dumpty has already had a fall and the only report we need is one that maps out how to put him back together again.