Phyllis Yaffe is president of Alliance Atlantis Broadcasting, Toronto.

As the television industry awaits the crtc’s thinking on the digital world, broadcast executives’ thoughts turn to sugar plums and licences. Some would say they are the same, but as we contemplate a smaller digital platform we must all adjust our plans. At the same time, the creative juices of the industry are flowing as we conjure up the ‘killer channels’ yet to be invented.

Here at Alliance Atlantis we’ve been public about some of our ideas for new channels. We’ll certainly apply for a Romance channel, a People channel and a National Geographic channel. But what else is out there? What demographic is underserved? With the advent of Britney Spears and the Teletubbies, the answer surely is that untracked and underappreciated age group: the unborn to two-year-olds.

And so we hope to address the programming needs of babies with thoughtful shows about everything from drooling to screaming. Our potential vice-president of programming, who just celebrated her second birthday, is committed to acquiring relevant shows such as color bar signals. In a focus group, the unborn responded well to Test Pattern.

So what do we know about this under-two demographic? They have an average household income of 50 toys +, they’re single, terribly uneducated, have very short attention spans, but they are very curious. We do promise a high repeat factor for our programming, which we think will suit our viewers’ nap pattern. And while conventional tv viewers have to leave their seat for bathroom breaks, our viewers won’t have to miss a single commercial. What excites advertisers most is the prospect that even if babies wanted to, most will be unable to change the channel.

As for a network name, ‘Gaggaaaa’ tested very well, but we’d be happy to take your suggestions. Now all we need is nine months and this channel will be ready to come into the world fully formed.

Oh yes, and as for the eternal question children ask of their parents, ‘How do new channels get made?’ Our answer: by loving broadcast executives.